So it looks like I’ve made it a day! One full day of keeping my negative emotions in check and at appropriate levels and emphasizing the positive. Even despite what could have been a really nasty setback that could have started me at Day Zero before I even got out of bed!
I had a terrible dream last night. The sort of night terror that leaves you staring wide-eyed at your ceiling, scared to go to sleep again ever until your alarm goes off. I could have dwelled on it, but instead I fought off the horror and gloom and got on with my day, giving it as little of my time and energy as I could. All day I’ve had little flashes, the attempts at my brain to fire along the pathways it’s used to firing on, but I’ve managed to catch and deflect them as I noticed it happening, which I’d say is worth points.
I’m still muting the occasional political source as it pops up on my Facebook feed or my tweet stream, and even when there’s an obvious moment that I could share or retweet something pointing out the awfulness of something (or someone) I’ve forgone it and shared pictures of ice-cream stuffed doughnuts instead. Honestly I think my twitter might be something like 70% food by the end of next week, since food makes me happy.
And that’s a neat segway into the five (well this time more than five!) positive things for today, I think!
1. Biggest and most important, I not only got the news that if it’s not already mailed my final (and largest) check from my old job should be mailed early next week but I also got my federal tax refund for last year, giving me a much wider buffer zone between now and employment than I previously thought. I don’t even have the state tax refund yet, too, and I’d honestly forgotten these existed! So I got quite a bit of unexpected money and just in time for number two!
2. Number two as in lovely weather, not, you know, feces. Hey, I like gutter humor. Anyway, the weather is, once again, lovely. I needed to walk around a lot today and I’ll get to that in a bit, but I also needed sunscreen which is nice because I like the smell of the brand I use. And all that walking around was just part of what I’ve done physically today.
3. Because I also went to the gym! Granted, that in and of itself isn’t that unusual for me, even at my lowest point I was going six days a week, but today I hit several of my strength goals on my main lifts, and even my accessory movements all felt fantastic. It was quite possibly the best workout I’ve ever had!
4. All that working out and walking around means my body needed calories, and since I got my refund with another one and a large check inbound I went to Dairy Queen! I got a triple cheeseburger with a side of another triple cheeseburger and one of those coffee milkshake things they make, it hit the spot beautifully!
5. I’m bingewatching Daisy Ridley and John Boyega “funny moment” compilation videos on YouTube. The stars of The Force Awakens are funny as dicks, guys!
6. I had another job interview today! The interviewer said I seemed like a “great fit” for the position, and he said he would check if a passport card would be suitable (long story short, normally they need a driver’s license even if the position does not itself involve driving for insurance purposes) and if it is he’ll call me back, set up a second interview and put me on a short list for the position. Like I said yesterday, I’m forcing myself to believe that this can go right, that I can get this job with more hours for higher pay than the hotel job I didn’t get that kicked all of this off in the first place.
7. I noticed reviewing my latest video that my hair, rather than sunbleaching like it normally does in the summer, is turning an interesting shade of Super Saiyan God red-gold, at least when viewed in sunlight at certain angles. Sometimes it’s still it’s natural brown and other times it’s the usual sun-tinted gold color I’m used to, but this is new to me and I like it a lot! This, coupled with my rapidly improving physique and lengthening beard, means I look better now than I ever have before. Sometimes it’s just nice to know you look good, guys.
So the sun sets on a completed Day One! Here’s the thing: It is getting easier. I know I’m on numerical Day One, but all stumbles aside I’ve been making an active effort to be more positive for three days. And I feel like I’m so much better at it now than I was even on Thursday, so if you ever decide to try this beat that in mind!
Hope (and I do mean “hope”) all y’all are having a great weekend and I’ll check in with you guys again tomorrow night!
Joseph Mazzola, Writer 